This blog was submitted by Paula Childers and I thought it was very insightful. I wanted to share it with all of you. Please comment below with any thoughts you may have.
By Paula Childers
Today I was just thinking about blogging and some many ideas I have yet to hash out on paper. As my mind was going through the many ideas I started reflecting on the different ways my husband and I "do" church. Then I started pondering the performance based upbringing Derek had as a first chair trumpet player and the emotional Acquire the Fire atmosphere I was immersed in during my late teens and early young adult years.
I have a tendency to see performance as a sinful and very self focused activity. But my way of living is probably worse. With the high emotional settings I often found myself in as a young adult I quickly learned emotions or feelings play a huge part in the spiritual experience. Not until very recently have my eyes been open to the difference between the spirit - Holy Spirit inside of me and what my emotions say. Often I have been confused by those who live apart from their emotions believing those people don't really know themselves very well. But just because I'm aware of my "emos" doesn't make me any more self aware.
As I pondered this thought I did a quick exercise to feel the spirit - or what I believe to be God's spirit in me and I could feel it! It is a deep deep part of me that longs for what Pastor Steve calls the secret place. It is like a well in my chest that doesn't even scratch the surface of what other people see when they see me. The spirit of God in me is very strong and completely different from a smile or a cry.
It is where God talks to me. Where I am who He created me to be. It is where my peace and joy and deep sadness for the evil in this world lives. It is beyond a doubt a place no one and nothing can take from me. In this place I can understand how many have endured the cross with great joy. The spirit inside of me has little to do with my emotions even though my emotions are touched by his presence they by no means dominate it. As I live and grow in Jesus my prayer is that the spirit will be my guide and that with God's help my emotions will be submitted to His plans and desires.